My Son

My son is teething. His top incisors seem to be trying to make an entry into the world. This makes life hard for him, but it has exposed one of his most shining qualities.

I've had a little bit of trouble adjusting to life as Dad. I didn't expect a pregnancy, nor, frankly, did I welcome it. I developed into the idea, though, understanding that it was God's will. Functioning as a parent has brought out all kinds of curious insecurities and frustration triggers long dormant or until now hidden, and I've had ample opportunity to be disappointed in my own immaturity or frightful streaks of frustration or anger.

That is the preface.

Here is the body:

I understand my son, for the first time, these last days as the Person he is, instead of as the crazy little animal (yes I said it) I'm responsible for. In his intense discomfort during the teething last night, he was in Mama's arms, gnawing on his Nubby Ring (a little gel-plastic ring with water inside that can be frozen). I hovered close to him to give him a little TLC and attention, and he looked at me, removed the ring from his mouth, and held it up to my mouth. He was sharing.

Now I understand where ye skeptics might tell me I'm reading too much into this moment. I assure you, I am not. He did this several times. He chewed, took it out, held it up to me, and would not take it back to his mouth until I had had the opportunity to bite it myself.

I realize he started doing this first with his Elephant Blanket, the trunk of which he sucks on to soothe himself to sleep. I sing him a song or two at night, and give him the blanket to start sucking on. A few days ago, he took the blanket and pressed it against my face. I had an inkling then that he was trying to share, but I couldn't be sure. Seeing the ice ring sharing convinces me.

It's cliche to say this, but those moments of connection make worthwhile all of the good work, and intensify the regret for (and the resolve to never repeat) the foolish lapses that have caused me to misdirect my frustration at him.

He's not an angel. He will prove to be a willful, trying little boy...if only because of his curiosity. But he is tender. He wants to give of things he loves to those he loves.