I often go through days feeling on the edge of something. On the cusp. On the brink. On the verge.

In keeping with the spirit of my last post, I think a good visual came to me today. So run with me on this for a minute.

I feel as though there is a great bottomless abyss of Truth. Unlike most abysses that you might think of, this deep, endless drop is not a descent into hopeless blackness, waiting for thermal currents to push you into an unforgiving wall and crush you. It is, rather, well lit and beautiful, and best experienced in free fall, at terminal velocity, allowing the totality of it to sweep by you, confident that stepping off the ledge was the best decision you've ever made.

I see this freefall, and I stand at the edge, pacing around it endlessly, trying to make the decision to dive in.

But there's a wrinkle.

You see, around this abyss there's a fence, and the perimeter is a long walk around. So as I pace the long distances around the lip of this epic fall, I encounter high fence walls, edged with razor wire, keeping me from jumping in even when I most desperately want to. These are the days when my angst or my selfishness or my self-destructive behavior are such that to really sally forth into a routine of creativity is impossible.

Then there are places where the fence is low, easy to vault, or even gated for easy entry, and inevitably I'm so absorbed in the path right under my feet I traipse right past these free opportunities, and when I look up, I'm back at the razor wire again...so only by looking forward or backward do I see the places where it would be best to jump in. These low spots in the fence come when my life is ordered and consistent, uncomplicated and relatively untaxing. These moments would be a perfect time to add a new discipline and start writing a little each day. But I don't because I'm happy; I'm looking at the end of my nose and appreciating the fact that life is going smoothly.

I need to take this leap when I'm not getting in my own way. This post is a part of that razor wire fence. This post and anything else dated today. This is all necessity writing. This is just to keep me sane. It's precisely when I don't need to that I am best suited to leap into a lifelong spelunk of truth.