I'm just gonna go ahead and do this, and see how it turns out.
(Also, I'm kinda curious how many canned Christian Vocabulary Words I can collect in my comments from people don't know (and people I do).)

Here goes:

In an effort to actually know the book that I claim as a foundational element of my spiritual existence and my understanding of the world (and also in response to a new found respect for and interest in God as a high priority in my life) I've taken to [mostly] daily bible reading. It's a touch ad hoc, the bible such as it is, and because I'm not doing the "powerhouse" thing I usually try to do (which would be reading the silly thing from cover to cover). So I've ricocheted around the smaller epistles [letters] in the new testament, and kicked around a few chapters in Isaiah and elsewhere in the old.

Today, I think I started to land on study that draws more than a cursory portion of my attention. I opened the letter of James (right after Hebrews and before Peter's letters).

Let me just work through the personal poignancy of this stuff piece by piece. [NASB, for those who care]

1:2-3 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

I have heard this passage before. It always struck me as curious, but there's much of Christianity that is curious and counter-intuitive to our natural human instincts. But reading this entire sentence shed a whole new light on it. Who doesn't like endurance? And, assuming that you're interested in having faith, who wouldn't like faith with endurance? Eh?

I'm certainly in trial land right now. The long, lonely days of truck-driving, followed by the frenetic, uncertain months of Hollywood have been nothing if not trying...spiritually, financially, and relationally. I knew that it was to my benefit (somehow, somewhere, deep in my subconscious) but I could never invoke any actual biblical truth to back up that nagging suspicion. But now, there it is. "The testing of your faith produces endurance."

It gets better.

1:4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Now, I'm not going to pull out the concordance here. I'm not a Greek scholar. I'm not going to belabor this dual occurrence of "perfect". Suffice it to say this: whether or not James means "perfect" in the literal sense, it dawned on my that the point he's making is totally clear. Endurance of faith, like endurance of the body, evens out one's experience, so that it's consistent. Imagine a marathon. If your endurance is trained into you, you don't deviate from your pace, and subsequently avoid deviating from your path, not needing to stop. You can complete the course (a predetermined amount of time and distance) without stopping or quitting. In the sense of a temporal, finite thing, your endurance has afforded you a perfect and complete experience, and you haven't found yourself short on energy or capacity. I know it's not a flawless analogy, but it illustrates the point, no? My life is a bit longer and a bit more metaphysical than a marathon, but it is a certain, finite period. 1:1 is the ratio of death. So in that finite period, enduring faith affords me a more consistent (more perfect, if you will) spiritual and relational experience. There's less wandering around, wondering if I've got things figured clearly.

Speaking of wandering, the biography continues:

1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Pretty categorical, right? Such confidence is definitely not contemporary or popular. There's more.

1:6 But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.

If "driven and tossed by the wind" doesn't describe my life for the last half-decade, I don't know what has. I've doubted every decision I've made, to one degree or another, at various times, pretty universally to my pain and detriment (not to mention to the pain and detriment of others). Put 5 and 6 together, and you get a pretty amazing concept. It's a concept I hereby resolve to put into practice, with God's help. Driven and tossed is for the birds.

Also, as a closer to the concept:

1:7-8 For that man [who doubts] ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

This elicited a burst of laughter as I read it. It might, at first, sound a little chilly. But it's simply true. It's not a judgement that James is casting on doubters, it's an observation of what happens in the doubter's mind. "Unstable", or its Greek equivalent, penned two millenia past, hits me square between the eyes. When I doubt that God will provide for me wisdom, clarity, guidance, and material sustenance, I am the epitome of unstable. Literally: when I, the writer, doubt, I, the writer, am horrendously unstable. Also, "double-minded" is a paint of my particular shade. Let me review (I could go back to previous posts and actually quote myself, but I'll spare you that): "I want to act. Do I really? Yes I do. God built me to do this. Really? Yes. No. Maybe. Maybe writing is better. Should I quit the acting and go for writing? Maybe. No. Yes. No. Maybe. Maybe I should chuck it all and go for something stable and responsible. No. Maybe. No. Maybe. Yes--no--maybe. A day job in S.California with writing on the side! Yes. Yes. Yes...."

No. Is it any wonder that God has to drop bombs on my life to get my attention? A random email arrives from an agency and the whole shootin' match is turned on its head.

Says God:
Act, dummy, it's what I put you there for. Do it, following My Word and My guidance and My example. Look at Me, and learn about Me, and remember that My glory is the reason you exist. Quit looking for the answers for why I sent you this way. The answer is always apparent in retrospect. The more you search for The Answer, the less you're trusting me, and becoming the beacon you're supposed to be.

So the money is tight, and I don't know what's coming in the future. I do know that our church, the leadership of which barely knows me from Adam (if you'll excuse the phrase) has seen fit to give us gift cards for groceries and gas. I also know that yesterday somebody happened to cancel their photo shoot on the 27th, and I got the bump up to that date (a full week earlier than before)...and only because I happened to call earlier that day to work out final payment on the shoot.

The reassurance that this is our path, wherever it eventually leads, is so strong that, for the very first time, I ask for the wisdom and strength to endure, and for the resources to pay my debts with no doubts or double-mindedness...perhaps it is somewhat because of my confidence in God that these blessings keep raining down. It's a pretty glorious chicken-egg scenario.

There's a final bonus. I've always doubted whether I could give God glory for any accolades that I might receive in my life. Not any more. If soever I'm blessed enough to be honored for my work, God is the first One to get props for it. I cannot now nor ever in the future deny that whatever comes in my life, it's Him that made it possible.

To close, a quote:

He that does not see the hand of God in this is blind, sir...blind. - General T.J. "Stonewall" Jackson

The man fought and died for a losing cause, indeed, we understand a flawed cause...but he knew something that most miss. God directs the purposes and actions of all mankind, whether right or wrong, to the fulfillment of His plan.